i want this song to do what it needs to to make your knees buckle and shake & i want this song to do what it needs to to kiss the back of your neck at the end of a long long day & to put its hands through your hair when your head is hanging low & to give you a little sweetness i want this song to hold you when i’m not there to do it myself & when i play this song, i’m holdin’ you though i’m not there to do it myself & i can play it clean or messy depending on what you need i just want you to know you’ve always got a place to go when you need a little sweetness

don’t give yourself any meaning through me like there is anything to be saved from & like i have a frame of reference, a frame of mind left that isn’t broken ‘cause i don’t wanna hear it & don’t say disillusionment, melodrama, arrogance, life to me anymore ‘cause i’m not looking & i’m not seeing & i’m not hurting & i don’t wanna hear it & don’t give me anything like you’re doing it for me like i’m sincere like you could somehow know don’t say drugs, depression, culture like i don’t like hurtin’ myself like i’ve used those excuses and meant them ‘cause i don’t wanna hear it just tell me it’s different tell me you agree tell me you don’t understand a word i’ve said & smile or just lie there & try not to lie to yourself just stop talking & i’ll be there lying right back

i used to have a dream about myself me & no one else & you were right behind me but i didn’t have to see your face i didn’t have to i used to be able to just wile away the hours dreamin’ about that face oh i didn’t have to but i would anyways & it’s the greatest shame that all the things i love have become have-tos cause the get-tos you have fight to get to & i got you under my skin & over my head it’s the other things like today when i didn’t notice that the sun had come out just give me a day to sing this song till i know that i can’t be wrong & then i’ll rise to the occasion & i won’t look back whatever makes you happy well you find it & you don’t let go till it’s part of you till you don’t now where it is anymore then go look for it it’s right there just give me a day to sing this song till i know that i can’t be wrong & then i’ll rise to the occasion & i won’t look back eurydice

our american girl is taught not to love just to bleed into her cup of humble dressings get over yourself give me a fucking break maybe you’ll start feeling better when you’re decent to people & our american girl is taught to grow wolf fangs & to bite into the other girls when they get out of line i guess i’m getting out of line & she cries upstairs w/ nothing to think about but all the wrongs against her she cries upstairs w/ nothing to think about but all the wrongs against her & when he fairy godmother comes yes her fairy godmother comes & says get over yourself give me a fucking break maybe you’ll start feeling better when your decent to people & she’s taught not to care if someone is hurt she’s taught that she’s a victim of her place & she’s taught that cruelty is a necessity of survival she’s taught to be blind to her own hypocrisy she’s taught to be silent when the truth hurts she’s taught that only a man can save her but not to trust the men ‘cause they just don’t get it & our american girl she bleeds into her beggars mug & let’s her pain be her pleasure & i bled into her beggars mug & my pain was her pleasure & his pain will be her pleasure yeah our pain is her pleasure & our american girl gets what’s handed to her controls her body by scaring it controls her friends by betraying them controls her lovers by leaving them controls her health by being sick controls her love by being numb controls her mood with little pills controls her thoughts with stories about how she’s done everything she could to make it better but the wound won’t heal & the crack won’t mend though it still won’t fucking break & she cries upstairs w/ nothing to think about but all the wrongs against her she cries upstairs w/ nothing to think about but all wrongs against her & when i ask her why she stabbed this knife in my back & then stands there watching me scream why do you just stand there watching me scream she says i’m taught not to care if someone is hurt i’m taught that i’m a victim of her place i’m taught that cruelty is a necessity of survival i’m taught to be blind to my own hypocrisy i’m taught to be silent when the truth hurts i’m taught that only a man can save me so i’m gonna take the men & i’ll do anything & our american girl gets what’s handed to her she let’s her pain be her pleasure & i got to hand it to her she made my pain her pleasure & his pain will be her pleasure yeah our pain is her pleasure & she’s taught not to take responsibility for letting herself learn to not take responsibility for fighting to think for not struggling to love get over yourself give me a fucking a break maybe you’ll start feeling better when you’re decent to people

i can’t help but think that the way we say there are no hidden messages it’s a necessary fiction i know that the story of what is here is largely still in transit & we wouldn’t want to sing it away but i don’t know if you know & you don’t know if i know so any hidden messages are often already obsolete put this poem in the back of your mind & heart & when the credits run, you can remember in tongue & cheek why’s it seem i’m always singing to you this song is probably about him it’s a necessary fiction

my heart stops at the top of every peak when the mountain creaks & i don’t believe in angels at the top your heart stopped & i feel you like time grew & you ripple back in the path’s slack & i don’t believe in angels at the top of the wave nothing stays & what could last through the crash when your heart stopped lie still my lie still

there’s a delicate balance between driving oneself crazy & putting on the pressure there’s a delicate balance between losing control & allowing for leisure there’s a delicate balance between demanding respect & insulting with a smile & just for good measure i’m not a magician i get lost scheming to persuade there’s a delicate balance between making a joke & just feeling sad there’s a delicate balance between trying to be wise & just being creative solving problems & gritting our teeth between headache & sacrifice there’s a delicate balance between it being okay & it being alright

i’m too tired of waiting for that sunny day i’m gonna make a little sun right here, right now i sit & patronize myself i don’t need what you’ve got this is a good life all round this a good life i’ve found don’t tell me definitions of words i’ve heard so many times success pride & fame oh & money that they can see i disagree don’t need those letters don’t need that list don’t need to explain myself to myself i’m too tired for woody allen misery i’m too tired to be anything but happy i disagree

he was dominic when he smiled i linked onto him like a child & we danced like red velvet doesn’t mean i’m stuck means it’s a dried flower that i can moisten the rose has undoubted thorns doesn’t take the time to tell me but i linger still looking for that messy haired boy the one who’s always tryin’ to fix it but never can no never & wanting wanting wanting he was sixteen from Jackson, Mississippi lost in the woods but i loved how he held me w/ spinning eyes ‘cause he was dominic when dominic smiled & wanting wanting wanting

he fell apart in the middle of the kitchen still standing on two legs his face red & eyes terrified & when he came to me there was no question that i would keep on loving him i demanded that he put his arms around me & hold tight his head to heavy to hold on his own as if his bones had never hardened it didn’t matter who i was i was all for him & when he came to me there was no question that i would keep on loving him he fell apart in the middle of the kitchen still standing on two legs his face red & eyes terrified

it’s neither i nor you just this time nothing left to say it’s gonna be okay my baby nothing you do wrong will last for too long you’re gonna make that lonely lady smile & she’s gonna forget for a little while you & i & her just this time nothing left to say it’s gonna be okay my baby ‘cause you’ve got strength for all the weaknesses that flair & i’ll help you till the moment when you’re just being there this is why it falls this is what the doomed mirror chord meant when the moment calls just take up that tore up mangled thing all rent mangled thing it’s neither i nor you nor them it’s just this time nothing left to say it’s gonna be okay my baby my lemongrass sonoma pear pixie w/ the crazy stare no lipstick ladybug good-for-way-too-much thug my gas station blue jean itch my laughin’ loud jazz hands kitsch silent by the seaside sue singin’ am i blue am i blue rockin’ to the beat & to the sobs hard workin’ all shift jobs tatter tots of two & six rubbin’ bones w/ stones & sticks my bob dylan ghost town pack my jacques derrida smokestack my yoko ono tree limb swing my baby lovin’ thingly thing fire up those callused shoes shipwreck the flags & clues hold yourself close & tight this time w/ all your might it’s neither i nor you just this time

light punctures through the crack in the door the holes in the blinds my open-ended afternoon light punctures through through to you you puncture through my sensory battalion my painter’s stare across the room my costumed bed sheet twist you puncture through hardly through thoughts just through this feeling of joy that i wake up in the morning with i’m gonna wrap myself around the sunny breeze i’m gonna open up the window & stick my head out like my room is a fast moving car & i’m a care-free puppy with a long tongue & kind eyes i puncture through wildly & anxious free dancing with everybody as they accept the joy unconcreted & starving for a night where we shine unknowingly & we wrap each other in our light punctures through wrap each other in our light

you are so articulate about not wanting to articulate we meet silence with so much to say & i don’t want to assume anything like i’ll see you soon so many words are just promises waiting to break & don’t make any promises for my sack i just wanted to say i had a nice nice time with you last night